Do Not Take After 7:00am

It's 1:30 in the morning.

The frogs and insects have stilled their chatter. No deer can be heard snuffing through my heirloom bean vines or zucchini blossoms. But there is a lonely mockingbird piercing the night much like the Say Anything scene outside my window, songs of absurdity pouring from his beak rather than a recognizable tune from Peter Gabriel. I secretly hope that the birds who wait until daybreak for their operatic preludes are shit talking him for his poorly-timed and unremitting gusto.

I can feel my heartbeat through my pillow. Without confirmation from my smartwatch as it charges on my dresser, the speed of the thud thud thuds feel like they exceed 100bpm. A gently excited beat that's much too fast for the time of night. It can't be the pasta with cream sauce or the brownie bites from dinner in charge of the drumming.

I consider how the Adderall in my system began its work 5 hours later than normal given it's a weekday in summer and all alarms are off for the season. My brain knows the hallway closet overhaul project is paused until I can get to Home Depot after a night of rest. But the amphetamine is still goading me toward hyper-fixation.

All I want is to be unconscious until the birds of dawn are ready to drown out the restless mockingbird. Every hour awake tonight is a likely quarter hour swapped in an afternoon nap tomorrow. Except I have drywall to patch and shelves to level and install, so a nap only delays the project further. Yet it's summer, more time is available now than just 3 weeks ago.

But doctor's appointments and summer camps and watering on Wednesday not Tuesday and phone calls that change everything.

Anxiety climbs into bed, puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Next time, don't take your Adderall after 7:00am."

The mockingbird continues to fuss for attention.