A Lifetime of Firsts

Signing the contract of parenthood means you lock in for the usual firsts your child will achieve. First words. First steps. First day of school. Such milestones get penned into a baby book or captured on film, ready for nostalgic viewing when the child lets you know they would rather live in their headphones than play their favorite board game with you.

There was something that didn't immediately occur to me when I became a parent: the child cannot lay claim to every first-time achievement or experience after they're born. It was at an annual appointment many years ago with my OBGYN that he pointed out the sentiment on being a first-time parent at every stage of your child's life when I said something about the anxieties of being a new mom. Worrying over things like burning the formula or not catching them when they fall. "This is my first time parenting a five-year-old. And next year, it'll be my first time parenting a six-year-old," he said. His words shifted my perspective so that I could see that as my child was growing and learning, so would I.

Even so, it's easy to forget that as you age alongside your child, there will be countless points of origin events you witness without knowing in the moment. Things so commonplace that you forget when the inception of the experience occurred. Was her first bite of cake eaten at her first birthday party or randomly at a friend's house when she was a couple of months into learning solids?

There is aboslutely no way you can remember every inaugural experience of your child's life. But I believe in being intentional and present as much as you can with the human you bring into the world because the number of years left before they enter into adulthood shrinks without your permission. You don't look back on their formative years and reminisce, "What a great day we had playing on the iPad."

Most of my friends know that back in 2020, I took Nerd on her first road trip. We loaded up the Subaru and drove as far as West Virginia. We stayed in our first skoolie and saw the field where the Battle of Anteitam occurred. In the years that followed, we had our first swim in Lake Michigan, hiked a national prairie, toured the Hershey factory, and ate our first falafel from a NYC food cart. While in the Big Apple, we learned that you can't throw a rock without hitting someone smoking weed in NYC. So anytime Nerd and I catch a whiff in public, she mutters, "Sure smells like New York."

When I was planning this fifth run of seeing a different chunk of the country (Pacific Northwest Edition), I knew Nerd would experience a lot more firsts than previous years. But I had to account for the fact that she's now a moody teenager and might not be as wowed by scenery or activities as she was when we started this tradition. She loves to plug into the music she's discovered on her own and write stories she wants to share with absolutely no one. The PNW was going to have to work hard to impress her. Although, I will say that living every day in knitted caps and fleece-lined leggings has been a plus in her mind.

The firsts began on the plane ride. I told her that we would be flying over the Rocky Mountains, which she has only seen in movies or pictures. She'd lift the cover on her window to peek out over the terrain and then feel disappointment when the land lay flat. To pass the time, she tested out her new neck pillow for an upright nap. When she roused, she raised the window cover again. It was gasps and hands to her face as she tried to absorb what she was seeing. Being above the snowy, jagged peaks must have made her brain glitch because she sat with her shock, not really knowing what to do with it. Her eyes would move between the view and my own eyes, offering a silent permission to let her be in awe for as long as she wanted.

Out of courtesy for other passengers who seemed to be enjoying the cabin being dark, she left the window cover down for most of the rest of the flight. But she couldn't help lifting it again for a short view every quarter hour so she could get a view of a different section of the Rockies. She snapped quick pictures so she could share with her friends back at home. And when we reached the Cascades and caught sight of Mount Hoodie, we were both wrecked from how stunning it really is.

Mount Hood, 30 May 2025

We got our rental car and drove south to Grants Pass for a night and then Crescent City, CA for two more. Her first sight of the Pacific Ocean struck her the way the Rockies did. A quick check of her mental geography told her she was looking out on open water that reached Hawaii and Japan. The size of the waves were a gut check in not wanting to test their power.

It's been 15 years since I was in the PNW myself, and even then, I was in the northwest corner of Washington and got a full day in Victoria, British Columbia. This means there were many parts of the PNW I had not seen. So Nerd and I have been able to share quite a few firsts together: hugging the trees of the Redwoods, hiking Fern Canyon, seeing banana slugs, wading through tidal pools, touching nudibranchs and chitons, and being within arm's reach of tufted puffins.

The bittersweet part of all this is the fact that these experiences are happening in a divorced life. I realize how getting to be witness to and a part of these life experiences with Nerd while her dad is back in Georgia is something that makes me feel both elated for myself and sad for him. She sends him photos through texts to keep him in the loop of what is blowing her mind, and I can't help but feel like I'm hoarding the joy. Then again, he is taking her on her first European trip in two weeks. That's when he will get to have the firsthand experience of witnessing an abundance firsts for her while I'm distracting myself with a 35th anniversary trip with my best friend. Yes, there was a time he and I just knew we would be doing these chapters of our child's life together. And now, we trust that the other is doing their part to make her life feel supported and full of love.

We still have a few days left here in the PNW, more firsts to live. This is even my first time writing a piece for my site while on one of our road trips because I haven't been able to shut my brain up about this topic. I suppose that just shows how much it means to me as a mom that I get this time with my kiddo and how we hold our sense of whimsy and wonder as sacred acts.

We're off to Astoria. Time to see the Goonies house...for the first time.